Going through bad time

I'm not having a good day for this past few weeks and I'm trying so hard to do something to make it better. For some people maybe this is not a big matter but to me it is. And I can understand if they don't understand why I'm acting like this right now.

I still hope someone can understand me but if there's nobody, I think I still can be fine as well :) For some people, they might think I'm pushing them away, but to be honest its not my intention to make all of you feel like that. I'm just protecting myself and you guys. As I can't control my emotion, and if you guys can't understand that, trust me, you will feel even worse than what you feel right now because I may hurt your feeling.

I can't help myself for being selfish right now. I'm a person who can't really express my feeling especially when I feel sad, depressed or angry. I am good in running away but when I decided to stop and not running, I will be very confuse and this is the result.

I can't force people to understand my feeling right now as I, myself don't know what I feel right now. I'm so thankful to those people who care a lot about me however, I'm sorry if I make the impression that I build a wall against all of you. To be frank, I need someone right now who can really have a big heart trying to understand my condition. Not making my days even worse. Ok you may think you did not make my days worse but that's not what I felt (like I said, I'm a selfish person right now).

I do hope that I can be "normal" again ASAP, but until that time arrived, I hope all of you hang on there. Don't give up on me (again being selfish).